Mr. Unavailable #100: Momma's Boy

See The Downtown Hipster and The Way to a Girl's Heart for the background on this one.

Pre-Date: Two days after our second date, he contacted me for a third date via text and wanted it to be a few hours later. I was too excited to be irked about the last-minute planning. Two hours later, he canceled, again via text, saying that he had to help his mother in Florida with her computer and then wrote, "Maybe tomorrow." First: Help his mother? Was he lying or was he really that much of a momma's boy? How urgent could his mother's computer needs be on a Sunday night? Second: "Maybe tomorrow" WTF? It was suspicious.

I texted back saying I had plans for tomorrow but to have a good night and let me know when he'd be free. He sensed my irritation and replied that he was available whenever I wanted to meet next. I suggested Wednesday.

Date #3: When Wednesday rolled around, he sent me a text--again--asking if I wanted to meet at Sweet and Vicious--again. When I met him there, the chemistry was crazy. Facing each other on bar stools, his knees squeezed mine and he kept finding excuses to touch me, saying, "Oh, I like you."

I told him about the summer share I was taking in Montauk and he said, "You spend summers in Montauk?...I knew I liked you...Hopefully I won't fuck this up between now and then...I have five surfboards...You need a surfboard?...I'll buy you one."

He said that he didn't usually go to Sweet and Vicious because he didn't know anyone there, but that he likes taking dates (i.e., me) to such places so that he can get to know them. He said he would never take a date to a place where he knew the people--it's not fair, he said. After a while, he asked if I was hungry and took me to a Latin restaurant around the corner. The booth was big and he moved his side in closer, saying, "I want to be closer to you."

Signs of Hope: Telling me many times at Sweet and Vicious that he liked me; being very touchy; indicating a future together, including the possible purchase of a surf board.

Red Flags: Telling me many times at Sweet and Vicious that he liked me; being very touchy; indicating a future together, including the possible purchase of a surf board. (Don't they say if it seems too good to be true, it probably is?)

Also: He only contacted me via text, not voice. When he originally texted me for the date, he asked if it could be that night, i.e., "Will you be my beck-and-call girl?" And then his excuse for canceling was weak, but he did what any half-decent liar would do--used something that referenced a prior conversation. (On date #2, he had told me that his mother was terrible with computers and he was her tech guy from afar.)

Turning Point: Usually the turning points are subtle, but this one was hard to miss. Halfway through dinner, I mentioned I didn't drink. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat and launched into a monologue about his own drinking habits, making comments that took a circuitous route and ended with him insisting, "I'm very passionate." Then when I offered to help with the bill, he took me up on it. Always a moment of truth.

After dinner, he took me to a bar where he knew people (see third paragraph under Date #3, above). His body language was terrible; instead of facing me like he had at Sweet and Vicious, he was turned toward the bar. He was somewhat non-communicative, giving me a laundry-list work history like he was at an interview for a job he did not want. I excused myself to go to the bathroom and, once in, crouched on the floor to text my friend Rick.

Me: I'm in the bathroom. Told him I didn't drink. Things seemed to change.
Rick: Probably in your head.
Me: He stopped touching me and is acting distant. And made me pay for part of dinner.
Rick: If he is honestly being that way because you don't drink, he's got major issues...

Returning to #100, I decided to take on more of a positive, fuck-it type of attitude. They were playing a Smiths song and I said, "I love this song. It's like musical pesto." #100 seemed to perk up and I wondered if I had, in fact, been contributing to the overly self-conscious downer vibe. We left the restaurant and he walked me home. And then he made out with me in front of my apartment building. Normally a good make-out is a Sign of Hope, but something told me not to expect to hear from him anytime soon.

Diagnosis: For him: He can manufacture chemistry but is there anything else? He could be a runner, a guy who bolts at any remote sign of realness. Plus, if he wants to be with someone who enjoys drinking like he seems to, this will never work.
For me: Sometimes being "open-minded" gets me into trouble. I wasn't all that interested on our first date, for all the right reasons, but I decided to give it another shot. Now I've been sucked in by his energy and affability. I doubt I'll hear from him again, but if I do, I'd probably see him again.

Next in the #100 series: Update