Vital Stats: Mid-30s, 6'2"ish. Svelte, handsome, attractively graying, Occupation: Sometime actor/home-based salesman. Aesthetic: 50% J. Crew, 50% Levis. Demeanor: I could never quite put my finger on it.
First Impression: I'd seen him around for months amongst our group of friends and I really wanted to be attracted to him, but I, strangely, wasn't. Something just seemed off. Still, he was attractive and he seemed interested and that was attractive.
First Date: January 2007. Pan's Labyrinth at the Sunshine Theater; cheesecake for dessert at The Bean. I wasn't sure if I liked him, but when I met him for the movie, I felt something. Maybe it was just excitement at going on a date...or of being with someone who would actually spring for popcorn and soda. Who knows. But at the end of the date, he walked me home and lingered in front of my building, topping the night off with a decent make-out session during which he eagerly pressed himself against me. "He wanted to come upstairs!" my shrink said later. In answer to which I thought, "What guy doesn't?"
Date #2: For our second date, he invited me to a play he liked and then we went for soup afterward. Now, I like my guys a little goofy, but there was something weirdly goofy about him. At one point he was lying in the booth--he may even have been lying against me and, well, I just wasn't feeling it. And, at the end of the date, I still didn't let him upstairs.
Date #3: For our third date, he wisely changed tactics and invited me to his place for brunch. I went to his apartment in Williamsburg and as soon as I got there, he was all over me, although he did managed to tear himself away at one point to make omelets. After brunch, how shall I put it? He quickly and happily dropped trow. He was wearing sweatpants, which facilitated things. I halted the proceedings before they went too-too far, although they did go somewhat far and left feeling vaguely violated.
Date #4: I don't even remember what we did for the first part of the date, but I remember walking down the street with him toward a cafe for the second part. He put his arm around me and I felt nothing. At the cafe, things were weird. At one point, he slapped me on the back (like a pal?) and it hurt.
Signs of Hope: Most signs of hope appeared before we really even ever went on a date. It was clear he was interested for months before he ever asked me out. Whenever I would run into him, he would look me in the eyes and say, "It's good to see you." (Direct=Good.) And our first date was surprisingly fun.
Red Flags: For some reason, we were completely unable to "connect." Like I said, on date #4, he put his arm around me and...nada. I felt nothing.
Turning Point: Even though, from all the evidence above, to the casual reader it probably appears that I wasn't all that interested, I hung in for a few weeks wondering if he would call, what would happen next. I guess old habits die hard. We even had "the conversation," where it turned out he didn't even know if he wanted a relationship.
After a painful few weeks of uncertainty, it occurred to me that I could be the dumper. In my previous dating situations (just prior to this with #90), I had been the dumpee, so realizing I could be the one to do the dumping was revelatory. I called him and told him it wasn't going to work and I didn't want to see him anymore. He asked if he could still call me and, unsure of what he meant (To be his emergency contact person? For a character reference?), I said, "Sure?" He called three times after that. All calls went unreturned. And I never looked back.
Diagnosis: For him: I'm not really sure what was wrong with him. I wonder if he just wasn't capable of achieving relationship depth. Or, possibly, he just wanted one thing, which he never got.
For me: If he did just want one thing, then, after dealing with #90, that was actually kind of a relief. Otherwise, I needed a little more depth.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment