See Could it Be?, It's Not Him, It's Me, The Recovery, We're Just Not That Into Each Other, The Continuation, The Curse is Broken, Unfortunately, The Make-Up Date, The Phone Call, The Negotiation, Dates 9 Through 12, Dates 13 Through 15, The Public Sex Talk, Bridging the Chasm, The Shut Down, All Kinds of Good, Meeting the Friends, Part 2, Hamptons Getaway, Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Happy Birthday to Me, The Drunken Text, Jeckyl and Hyde, The Layoff and One-Man Show for the background on this one.
The day after our last date, I couldn't think. I was miserable. I started making lists of things I was unhappy about and decided I needed to talk to him. I never wanted to be "that girl" in a relationship--who always needed to talk--but enough was enough. I knew he was downtown for his volunteer job, so I texted him around 4 p.m. asking him if he could come see me when he was done. I felt oddly empowered after sending the text, which meant it was the right thing to do.
I met Heidi at Pinkberry and waited. As the hours ticked on, I got more and more angry: "What a fucking coward," I said. Finally, around 7, there was a voicemail message from him that I'd somehow just missed. He gave some excuse about why he didn't respond up until now and said he'd hang around downtown for a little while. I felt a tiny spring of hope. He was appearing to be accommodating. I called him and he said he'd meet me at my place in twenty minutes. When he came upstairs, I didn't even bother looking for a kiss. He came in and sat down and I said, "I really like you and I want to work on this relationship but I am not sure where you are at."
"I don't want to take this relationship any further," he said.
I was stunned. Then he said, "I was going to break up with you but then you got fired, so..."
Asshole. I got laid off, not fired. And he had made a unilateral decision with no discussion, no nothing. I asked him why. He started saying it was the little things, like how I didn't immediately offer him gum the day before. He also said that I wasn't a good listener and when he would tell me things I would say, "Poor you" or not listen. He said he didn't feel very deeply about the relationship. The weird thing was, the whole time he was saying all that, he was incredibly angry. I asked him why he didn't tell me he thought those things. "I apologize for that," he said. Never say anything about the things that aren't making you happy and instead just end it? It wasn't making any sense.
"Intimacy is being able to ask for what you need and being able to communicate and being able to tell someone how you feel," I said. He insisted intimacy was the little things--like immediately offering someone gum. I was angry. Many things began to click into place. I could never figure out how he could stay in a relationship for four years where the woman wasn't capable of intimacy and now I knew--he wasn't capable of it either. "I feel really sorry for you," I said. "Now I know how you could be in a relationship for four and half years where there was no intimacy."
That made him angrier. "If you want to discuss things like that, we can talk about that another time." Clearly, he didn't know how to handle what I'd said.
And then suddenly he said, "I was a complete fucking gentleman for three months!"
Again, stunned, I said, "I never said you weren't."
He said again how he needed to be be with someone who understood that the little things he mentioned were important. And I said, "Well, I need to be with someone who can communicate and tell me what they need and not expect me to read their mind or one minute tell me I can doze in bed and then the very next ask me why I didn't make coffee."
"Well, I apologize for that," he said. And then he left.
I was floored. I had no idea who I was just dating. Did the real #111 just walk out the door?
I met Heidi out and told her what happened. She told me that, clearly, he had no intention of breaking up with me before I got laid off--he would have been happy coasting along doing less and less--but when I got laid off, he realized he was going to have to show up for me and there was no way that was going to happen. I was angry.
"He wants to be alone, just look at how he lives," she said. "He's 44 years old and he chooses to live with a roommate in Harlem. There's no space in his life for anyone else. He's an isolationist."
She was right. I didn't want to be alone and Heidi offered me her sofa. In the cab on the way to DUMBO, I repeated some of the idiotic things he said. Like how we could talk about his lame four and a half year relationship some other time. "When exactly does he think we're going to talk about it? In Break-Up, Part 2?" And "When exactly was he going to break up with me? He said yes to everything I invited him to."
I felt relieved on some level--I no longer had to worry about where I stood or guess what his intentions were. But I knew the anger and relief wouldn't last. It never does.
Diagnosis: For him: When he said he was a "complete fucking gentleman for three months," he was basically telling me that he came with an expiration date, that his acting like a gentleman was indeed an act that he could only keep up for a little while.
This whole thing shined new light on things he told me about his past relationships. He always said how he and his workaholic ex from his 4.5-year thing never fought. Most likely, it was because he was chasing her for four and half years, which kept him interested. Maybe he didn't want anyone he could actually have. He probably didn't have to do too much, either. He'd moved into her apartment, she probably had plenty of money, he probably had very little to worry about. I bet it was an easy, intimacy-free existence.
"It's like playing house," Nora said. "He was no different in that relationship. His ex just probably didn't care enough to notice or do anything about it, especially if she was working all the time."
He sometimes talked about another four-month relationship where he claimed she said she started wanting him to change. Maybe what really happened was that he started to pull away, to do less and less (the "gentleman" went away) and expect more from her, just like he did with me, and she probably didn't like it either. She probably didn't want him to change, she probably wanted him to be the guy he initially presented himself as--a guy he never truly was.
For me: I really need to disregard everything he said about me. The things he said about me bothered me. I have never, ever in my entire life been called a bad listener or selfish, like he was claiming, so I knew on some level it was all bullshit. I knew from what he'd told me in the past that those were old issues of his--that he felt like people weren't listening to him, so it was probably one of the first--and easiest--cards to play. Most likely, he didn't even know why he was breaking up with me. Most likely, it was because we were getting closer--too close. But, like I said, I need to disregard it because it was all bullshit. Maybe I was threatening his isolationism and, instead of looking at it, he attacked the threat to it: me. That's why he was so angry.
The plot thickens: For more than two weeks, I've been experiencing what I thought was massive PMS. So, on the day of the break-up, I took a pregnancy test. Oddly, it came back positive. But those things can be wrong. Right?
Friday, September 24, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Mr. Unavailable #111: One-Man Show
See Could it Be?, It's Not Him, It's Me, The Recovery, We're Just Not That Into Each Other, The Continuation, The Curse is Broken, Unfortunately, The Make-Up Date, The Phone Call, The Negotiation, Dates 9 Through 12, Dates 13 Through 15, The Public Sex Talk, Bridging the Chasm, The Shut Down, All Kinds of Good, Meeting the Friends, Part 2, Hamptons Getaway, Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Happy Birthday to Me, The Drunken Text, Jeckyl and Hyde and The Layoff for the background on this one.
Date #25(ish): I'd earlier bought tickets to see a friend of mine in his latest one-man show. It was an old friend from Chicago and his shows were always hilarious. #111 emailed me to say he'd come down at 7 and we could "grab some grub" before the show. When he came in and went to kiss me, I instinctively withdrew. It was a gigantic flinch--the most massive of all my flinches. My head retreated an entire foot. He said, "OK" and came into my apartment. I felt horrible. it was entirely unintentional, but deep down I guess it just meant I knew something was very wrong. He brought no flowers, no words of encouragement, no nothing. Instead, he was the one who was morose. I was wondering who, exactly, had just lost their job.
We went to dinner and I tried to keep eye contact with him but he couldn't do it, he'd look away. I tried to hold his hand across the table, nothing. Even going to the show, I waited to see if he'd hold my hand and he never did. I had to instead. Once we got there and I ran into people I knew, I began to play the cheerful role once again. He was pretty much dead weight. I'd introduce him to people but he wouldn't engage. Even when he put his hand on my leg in the show--as he always did when we saw something--the feeling behind it was gone. It felt perfunctory and cold.
Afterward, he came back to my place to get his stuff. He wasn't staying. I asked him if he'd stay and said, "I promise not to bother you." Did I really just say that? I'd reached a point of being pathetic that I hadn't seen in years--if ever. But I was feeling desperate.
Diagnosis: I can't exactly figure out what's happening or which came first. Has he shut down or does he truly not know how to comfort people, to be there for them? Or both? It reminds me of something he said to me when I expressed my joy at something small, like getting ice cream or eating cake: "I'm so glad such small things make you happy," he said, "because I have so little to offer you." And he said that when we were happy, when things were wonderful. Was it really a warning? Did he see that I deserved more than he was willing or able to give? Did all of his previous girlfriends expect so little of him that this was new to him? When they had a bad day, was he there for them? Or did they expect so little of him that they managed to take care of themselves? Or did he always date people who didn't let themselves have bad days? I'm truly baffled.
Date #25(ish): I'd earlier bought tickets to see a friend of mine in his latest one-man show. It was an old friend from Chicago and his shows were always hilarious. #111 emailed me to say he'd come down at 7 and we could "grab some grub" before the show. When he came in and went to kiss me, I instinctively withdrew. It was a gigantic flinch--the most massive of all my flinches. My head retreated an entire foot. He said, "OK" and came into my apartment. I felt horrible. it was entirely unintentional, but deep down I guess it just meant I knew something was very wrong. He brought no flowers, no words of encouragement, no nothing. Instead, he was the one who was morose. I was wondering who, exactly, had just lost their job.
We went to dinner and I tried to keep eye contact with him but he couldn't do it, he'd look away. I tried to hold his hand across the table, nothing. Even going to the show, I waited to see if he'd hold my hand and he never did. I had to instead. Once we got there and I ran into people I knew, I began to play the cheerful role once again. He was pretty much dead weight. I'd introduce him to people but he wouldn't engage. Even when he put his hand on my leg in the show--as he always did when we saw something--the feeling behind it was gone. It felt perfunctory and cold.
Afterward, he came back to my place to get his stuff. He wasn't staying. I asked him if he'd stay and said, "I promise not to bother you." Did I really just say that? I'd reached a point of being pathetic that I hadn't seen in years--if ever. But I was feeling desperate.
Diagnosis: I can't exactly figure out what's happening or which came first. Has he shut down or does he truly not know how to comfort people, to be there for them? Or both? It reminds me of something he said to me when I expressed my joy at something small, like getting ice cream or eating cake: "I'm so glad such small things make you happy," he said, "because I have so little to offer you." And he said that when we were happy, when things were wonderful. Was it really a warning? Did he see that I deserved more than he was willing or able to give? Did all of his previous girlfriends expect so little of him that this was new to him? When they had a bad day, was he there for them? Or did they expect so little of him that they managed to take care of themselves? Or did he always date people who didn't let themselves have bad days? I'm truly baffled.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Mr. Unavailable #111: The Layoff
See Could it Be?, It's Not Him, It's Me, The Recovery, We're Just Not That Into Each Other, The Continuation, The Curse is Broken, Unfortunately, The Make-Up Date, The Phone Call, The Negotiation, Dates 9 Through 12, Dates 13 Through 15, The Public Sex Talk, Bridging the Chasm, The Shut Down, All Kinds of Good, Meeting the Friends, Part 2, Hamptons Getaway, Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Happy Birthday to Me, The Drunken Text and Jeckyl and Hyde for the background on this one.
The Layoff: On Monday after our weekend together, I was non-busy at work. I'd just finished a massive project that had me working 12-hour days and then, toward the end of the day, the CFO called me while I was sitting at my desk and asked if I'd come to the executive creative director's office. I walked in and said, "Uh oh." My position was being eliminated, blah, blah, blah.
I went back to my desk to pack a few things and my first thought was, "What am I going to do?" My second thought was, "Oh no, what's going to happen to my relationship?" I was hesitant to call #111 and tell him. Somewhere in my little brain I was worried about this putting unnecessary pressure on him, on the relationship. I had an instinct not to "worry" him, not to seem to "needy." I wanted to send him some kind of message that I didn't "need" him, like calling him later in the day. I knew it would be weird, though, if I called him later, so I called and left a message. I called some friends and then went to meet Heidi and Amanda downtown for coffee.
He called me back as I was walking to the coffee place. "I'm really busy, but I just wanted to see if you were OK," he said. "I can't come meet you, but do you have someone to hang out with?" It was seriously lame. He checked in on me once or twice over the next day or so and on Wednesday sent me an email telling me he had to cancel all of our future plans except for our date on Thursday. I kept thinking about how Kevin would bring his girlfriend flowers when she had a bad day and here I've just lost my job and #111 is MIA.
I called him at one point and left him a message and made a conscious effort not to sound too down or sad, and I kind of realized that was kind of how I always had to be in the relationship--I had to play the upbeat girlfriend to his grumpy old man. It reminded me of an earlier date when I started to tell him why I didn't like to complain a lot and he said, "Because I take up all the complaining time?"
Diagnosis: I have a sinking feeling in my gut that I I'm trying to ignore, but I'm starting to get the picture. If he isn't sick or headache-y, he's going to be busy. Either way, he's not going to be good at showing up for me. Somewhere along the way, I'd gotten the message that he didn't want someone needy (maybe it was all the talk about "women in their 30s" and how his ex from his four and a half year relationship was an emotionally unavailable workaholic)--and here I am needing him and he is nowhere to be found. But he's my boyfriend, I'm allowed to need him in times of crisis.
The Layoff: On Monday after our weekend together, I was non-busy at work. I'd just finished a massive project that had me working 12-hour days and then, toward the end of the day, the CFO called me while I was sitting at my desk and asked if I'd come to the executive creative director's office. I walked in and said, "Uh oh." My position was being eliminated, blah, blah, blah.
I went back to my desk to pack a few things and my first thought was, "What am I going to do?" My second thought was, "Oh no, what's going to happen to my relationship?" I was hesitant to call #111 and tell him. Somewhere in my little brain I was worried about this putting unnecessary pressure on him, on the relationship. I had an instinct not to "worry" him, not to seem to "needy." I wanted to send him some kind of message that I didn't "need" him, like calling him later in the day. I knew it would be weird, though, if I called him later, so I called and left a message. I called some friends and then went to meet Heidi and Amanda downtown for coffee.
He called me back as I was walking to the coffee place. "I'm really busy, but I just wanted to see if you were OK," he said. "I can't come meet you, but do you have someone to hang out with?" It was seriously lame. He checked in on me once or twice over the next day or so and on Wednesday sent me an email telling me he had to cancel all of our future plans except for our date on Thursday. I kept thinking about how Kevin would bring his girlfriend flowers when she had a bad day and here I've just lost my job and #111 is MIA.
I called him at one point and left him a message and made a conscious effort not to sound too down or sad, and I kind of realized that was kind of how I always had to be in the relationship--I had to play the upbeat girlfriend to his grumpy old man. It reminded me of an earlier date when I started to tell him why I didn't like to complain a lot and he said, "Because I take up all the complaining time?"
Diagnosis: I have a sinking feeling in my gut that I I'm trying to ignore, but I'm starting to get the picture. If he isn't sick or headache-y, he's going to be busy. Either way, he's not going to be good at showing up for me. Somewhere along the way, I'd gotten the message that he didn't want someone needy (maybe it was all the talk about "women in their 30s" and how his ex from his four and a half year relationship was an emotionally unavailable workaholic)--and here I am needing him and he is nowhere to be found. But he's my boyfriend, I'm allowed to need him in times of crisis.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Mr. Unavailable #111: Jeckyl and Hyde
See Could it Be?, It's Not Him, It's Me, The Recovery, We're Just Not That Into Each Other, The Continuation, The Curse is Broken, Unfortunately, The Make-Up Date, The Phone Call, The Negotiation, Dates 9 Through 12, Dates 13 Through 15, The Public Sex Talk, Bridging the Chasm, The Shut Down, All Kinds of Good, Meeting the Friends, Part 2, Hamptons Getaway, Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Happy Birthday to Me and The Drunken Text for the background on this one.
The Last Weekend: He sent me an email Saturday morning to say he'd come downtown and drop his stuff off and then we'd head to the Lee Friedlander exhibit at the Whitney. He came downtown and he was off somehow. Nervous? Distant? Not sure. I forget what we were talking about, but he told me that he'd watched the rest of the season of Dexter and it was great. "You didn't save it for me?" he said. "Nope," he said. And he actually seemed kind of proud of it. On the subway, he launched into a sort of rant about how women in their 30s suddenly demand things from men--they want babies so they go a little nuts with the men they're dating, he said. He wasn't pointing the finger at me, just my kind. I tried to be judicious and agreed that some women want to be saved.
We got to the Whitney and, in the elevator, he did mock karate chops at me. "I remember when you used to be nice to me...he beats me because he loves me," I said. I walked ahead of him in the exhibit and eventually he came up to me and hugged me and was the same #108 I knew and loved (only after I went doubly distant). I had several upcoming events that I wanted to invite him to, but I didn't want to overwhelm him, so I tried to space them apart. Back on the subway, we stood close and I asked him if he'd like to go to a party that was in November. He said that sounded like fun. We went and saw The Last Exorcism at a theater in Times Square. I asked him if he liked to go on a haunted Halloween hay ride the next weekend. He said "Sure, that sounds like fun." There was a third thing I asked if he wanted to do--which, again, he said yes to--but now I don't remember what it was.
Walking across 42nd Street after the movie, which we thoroughly critiqued--a favorite pastime of ours--we wandered into the Pop Tart store and marveled at all of the Pop Tarts and Pop Tart paraphernalia. He was clearly excited about the prospect of a Pop Tart T-shirt to add to his T-Shirt collection and mentioned his upcoming birthday--he wasn't shy about hinting about his birthday. We had a mutual affection for sugar, as I think I've mentioned, and were clearly in our element.
We went to Boca Chica after for dinner. One thing I've always noticed about us is our inability to maintain eye contact--except in bed. And even that's in the dark. Allison and Shelagh had taken an intimacy workshop, part of which was learning sustained eye contact. I said to him, "I think we should do something like that sometime." He said, "You would last two seconds." I said maybe, but we'll see. He noticed I was tired and asked if I was too tired for...and then he made a fist-knocking motion. "No, I'm not too tired, and if we didn't I'd be mad," I said. Between his "not feeling well" and his trip to Seattle, it had been three weeks since we'd had sex. Honestly, even when we attempted fooling around in the previous few weeks, he was having maintenance issues.
The next morning he said to me, "Why don't you doze while I go take a shower." I thought that was lovely. I lazed in bed until he came out and when he did, he said, "Why haven't you made coffee or something?" I kid you not. Aggravated and unable to express myself (I have an extremely strong guilt reflex), I got up and made coffee.
We headed to tennis and it turned into a bit of a fiasco where we had to go all the way to the East River to sign up, had to go all the way to Union Square to buy tennis balls and then went all the way back to the East River. He was somewhat morose for the whole affair. I tried to keep the mood afloat, saying things like, "It's not about the destination, it's about the journey," and "If we survive this, maybe we could get frozen yogurt after." By the time we got to the courts, I had lost my sense of humor and he could tell. He put his arm around me and then gave me the shady side of the court. Again, when I go distant, he comes back.
We hit the ball over the net--or tried--for an hour. I gave him a kiss at the end (even with that he seemed far away) and he told me I was very graceful. When we got back to my place, he asked/demanded (definition: a request that feels more like a demand) that I heat up our leftovers from the night before and said, "Why don't I take you for frozen yogurt." We went to 16 Handles and then sat in the park. It was getting cooler out, more like fall, and we both liked the weather. We sat for a while, I had my head on his shoulder, and then, eventually, he said he had to go.
Signs of Hope: Spending the entire weekend together. Saying yes to all kinds of future plans. The Pop Tart store.
Red Flags: The whole Jeckyl and Hyde thing : saving Dexter to watch with me a few weeks ago and then not saving it to watch it on his own, making coffee...lots of unsettling things.
Diagnosis: I've been here before. With someone who wants to spend all weekend with me but starts having maintenance issues and is a poor communicator about whatever he is feeling--sometimes he doesn't even know what he is feeling. It usually means some kind of emotional shut down is happening. He may be shutting down on me. When I said, "He beats me because he loves me," I wonder if I was onto something.
The Last Weekend: He sent me an email Saturday morning to say he'd come downtown and drop his stuff off and then we'd head to the Lee Friedlander exhibit at the Whitney. He came downtown and he was off somehow. Nervous? Distant? Not sure. I forget what we were talking about, but he told me that he'd watched the rest of the season of Dexter and it was great. "You didn't save it for me?" he said. "Nope," he said. And he actually seemed kind of proud of it. On the subway, he launched into a sort of rant about how women in their 30s suddenly demand things from men--they want babies so they go a little nuts with the men they're dating, he said. He wasn't pointing the finger at me, just my kind. I tried to be judicious and agreed that some women want to be saved.
We got to the Whitney and, in the elevator, he did mock karate chops at me. "I remember when you used to be nice to me...he beats me because he loves me," I said. I walked ahead of him in the exhibit and eventually he came up to me and hugged me and was the same #108 I knew and loved (only after I went doubly distant). I had several upcoming events that I wanted to invite him to, but I didn't want to overwhelm him, so I tried to space them apart. Back on the subway, we stood close and I asked him if he'd like to go to a party that was in November. He said that sounded like fun. We went and saw The Last Exorcism at a theater in Times Square. I asked him if he liked to go on a haunted Halloween hay ride the next weekend. He said "Sure, that sounds like fun." There was a third thing I asked if he wanted to do--which, again, he said yes to--but now I don't remember what it was.
Walking across 42nd Street after the movie, which we thoroughly critiqued--a favorite pastime of ours--we wandered into the Pop Tart store and marveled at all of the Pop Tarts and Pop Tart paraphernalia. He was clearly excited about the prospect of a Pop Tart T-shirt to add to his T-Shirt collection and mentioned his upcoming birthday--he wasn't shy about hinting about his birthday. We had a mutual affection for sugar, as I think I've mentioned, and were clearly in our element.
We went to Boca Chica after for dinner. One thing I've always noticed about us is our inability to maintain eye contact--except in bed. And even that's in the dark. Allison and Shelagh had taken an intimacy workshop, part of which was learning sustained eye contact. I said to him, "I think we should do something like that sometime." He said, "You would last two seconds." I said maybe, but we'll see. He noticed I was tired and asked if I was too tired for...and then he made a fist-knocking motion. "No, I'm not too tired, and if we didn't I'd be mad," I said. Between his "not feeling well" and his trip to Seattle, it had been three weeks since we'd had sex. Honestly, even when we attempted fooling around in the previous few weeks, he was having maintenance issues.
The next morning he said to me, "Why don't you doze while I go take a shower." I thought that was lovely. I lazed in bed until he came out and when he did, he said, "Why haven't you made coffee or something?" I kid you not. Aggravated and unable to express myself (I have an extremely strong guilt reflex), I got up and made coffee.
We headed to tennis and it turned into a bit of a fiasco where we had to go all the way to the East River to sign up, had to go all the way to Union Square to buy tennis balls and then went all the way back to the East River. He was somewhat morose for the whole affair. I tried to keep the mood afloat, saying things like, "It's not about the destination, it's about the journey," and "If we survive this, maybe we could get frozen yogurt after." By the time we got to the courts, I had lost my sense of humor and he could tell. He put his arm around me and then gave me the shady side of the court. Again, when I go distant, he comes back.
We hit the ball over the net--or tried--for an hour. I gave him a kiss at the end (even with that he seemed far away) and he told me I was very graceful. When we got back to my place, he asked/demanded (definition: a request that feels more like a demand) that I heat up our leftovers from the night before and said, "Why don't I take you for frozen yogurt." We went to 16 Handles and then sat in the park. It was getting cooler out, more like fall, and we both liked the weather. We sat for a while, I had my head on his shoulder, and then, eventually, he said he had to go.
Signs of Hope: Spending the entire weekend together. Saying yes to all kinds of future plans. The Pop Tart store.
Red Flags: The whole Jeckyl and Hyde thing : saving Dexter to watch with me a few weeks ago and then not saving it to watch it on his own, making coffee...lots of unsettling things.
Diagnosis: I've been here before. With someone who wants to spend all weekend with me but starts having maintenance issues and is a poor communicator about whatever he is feeling--sometimes he doesn't even know what he is feeling. It usually means some kind of emotional shut down is happening. He may be shutting down on me. When I said, "He beats me because he loves me," I wonder if I was onto something.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Mr. Unavailable #111: The Drunken Text
See Could it Be?, It's Not Him, It's Me, The Recovery, We're Just Not That Into Each Other, The Continuation, The Curse is Broken, Unfortunately, The Make-Up Date, The Phone Call, The Negotiation, Dates 9 Through 12, Dates 13 Through 15, The Public Sex Talk, Bridging the Chasm, The Shut Down, All Kinds of Good, Meeting the Friends, Part 2, Hamptons Getaway, Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4 and Happy Birthday to Me for the background on this one.
The Unplanned Date: #111 texted me at around 10 on the Thursday night after his return from Seattle. "I am very drukk," it said. I thought it was sweet that I was getting a drunken text. It turned out he was in the neighborhood. He asked if I would save him, so I went to Holiday Lounge to retrieve him. When I walked in, he was lying in a booth across from two people I'd never met before. "Oh, so this is the girlfriend," they said. I have to admit, I wasn't feeling very confident about the relationship, so I was wondering what he'd told them. I slowly gathered that they were pretty plastered, too.
They'd been at a meeting for the literary journal that was a few blocks from my apartment. He'd told me about the meeting but never mentioned it was downtown. Again, even though we hadn't seen each other in over a week and even though he was going to be downtown, he'd made no effort to see me--until the drunken text, that is. He was a very grabby drunk, which was alternately annoying and flattering. I fed him pizza and brought him home and he said, over and over again, "You're so good to me. Thank you for taking care of me." In bed, he didn't even touch me. I even sneaked a hand toward him and he moved away from it.
Coincidentally, I had emailed in a sick day that night--before I got his drunken text--so when we woke up the next morning, he wondered why I wasn't getting ready. "I coincidentally took a sick day," I said. "Haven't you been taking a lot of days off," he snapped, referring to the two I'd taken over a week and a half before." Clearly, he wasn't happy that I was free for the day. I began to defend myself, saying it was slow at the moment. He took a shower and when he came out said, "I think it's great you're taking a sick day. You could use the break." Again, Jeckyl and Hyde. I suggested we go for breakfast and we went to Remedy. Once we got there and sat down, all my worry melted away because as we talked, I remembered why I liked him in the first place. I really just like talking to him. I like everything about him, really, and I really felt it when we talked.
I dropped him off at the subway and he said, "So what's the plan for the weekend?" I told him I had a list of stuff, so he said I should send it to him.
Signs of Hope: Breakfast. Making plans for the weekend.
Red Flags: Everything up until breakfast.
Diagnosis: I don't know what went down in Seattle, what kinds of things he was telling himself, but something is up.
The Unplanned Date: #111 texted me at around 10 on the Thursday night after his return from Seattle. "I am very drukk," it said. I thought it was sweet that I was getting a drunken text. It turned out he was in the neighborhood. He asked if I would save him, so I went to Holiday Lounge to retrieve him. When I walked in, he was lying in a booth across from two people I'd never met before. "Oh, so this is the girlfriend," they said. I have to admit, I wasn't feeling very confident about the relationship, so I was wondering what he'd told them. I slowly gathered that they were pretty plastered, too.
They'd been at a meeting for the literary journal that was a few blocks from my apartment. He'd told me about the meeting but never mentioned it was downtown. Again, even though we hadn't seen each other in over a week and even though he was going to be downtown, he'd made no effort to see me--until the drunken text, that is. He was a very grabby drunk, which was alternately annoying and flattering. I fed him pizza and brought him home and he said, over and over again, "You're so good to me. Thank you for taking care of me." In bed, he didn't even touch me. I even sneaked a hand toward him and he moved away from it.
Coincidentally, I had emailed in a sick day that night--before I got his drunken text--so when we woke up the next morning, he wondered why I wasn't getting ready. "I coincidentally took a sick day," I said. "Haven't you been taking a lot of days off," he snapped, referring to the two I'd taken over a week and a half before." Clearly, he wasn't happy that I was free for the day. I began to defend myself, saying it was slow at the moment. He took a shower and when he came out said, "I think it's great you're taking a sick day. You could use the break." Again, Jeckyl and Hyde. I suggested we go for breakfast and we went to Remedy. Once we got there and sat down, all my worry melted away because as we talked, I remembered why I liked him in the first place. I really just like talking to him. I like everything about him, really, and I really felt it when we talked.
I dropped him off at the subway and he said, "So what's the plan for the weekend?" I told him I had a list of stuff, so he said I should send it to him.
Signs of Hope: Breakfast. Making plans for the weekend.
Red Flags: Everything up until breakfast.
Diagnosis: I don't know what went down in Seattle, what kinds of things he was telling himself, but something is up.
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