See Could it Be?, It's Not Him, It's Me, The Recovery, We're Just Not That Into Each Other, The Continuation, The Curse is Broken, Unfortunately, The Make-Up Date, The Phone Call, The Negotiation, Dates 9 Through 12, Dates 13 Through 15, The Public Sex Talk, Bridging the Chasm, The Shut Down, All Kinds of Good and Meeting the Friends, Part 2 for the background on this one.
Pre-Date: I was hoping that since I figured out everything about the weekend--where we were going, where we were staying, what we were doing--that he would take the initiative to rent the car. Then I got an email from him that said everything he was finding was really expensive and could I ask around to find out if anyone knew a cheap place. Long story short: I arranged the car rental and figured out all the logistics (we were renting it from the airport and had to get there). Do I sound annoyed? If not, I am. We also had a date scheduled for the Wednesday before the weekend and he canceled it, saying he didn't feel so great and he had a lot to do. The night before we were supposed to leave, he said he was feeling terrible. I told him we didn't have to go the next day if he wasn't up for it. He said he still wanted to go.
Date #21, Day 1 (Labor Day Weekend): When I met up with him on the corner of Lexington and 125th, he was nervous. I could tell. I'm definitely beginning to think his "intense" thing he claims to have is just a cover for the fact that he has feelings and doesn't want to show them. He "flinches" just as much as I do, he is just better at covering it up. We rode the bus and he casually mentioned that on an interview he mentioned me--said that they had asked about his "girlfriend." It was the first time he used the word; it did not go unnoticed. I did a little internal happy dance.
At the car rental place, they offered us the red Cooper Mini parked for show out front. I jumped at it. #111 was in a sort of grumpy old-man mood, checking the car for dents etc. and then trying to figure out how to start it. He seemed to get rather easily frustrated. All set to navigate, I told him where to go. Grumpily, he didn't believe me. I assured him it was the right direction. Once on the road, he seemed to ease into things a bit.
It was interesting to see him drive. Here was a big, muscle-y, square-jawed guy who looked like he'd love strip clubs and hookers (see Date# 11) and he was driving the speed limit. He was also driving the speed limit in the passing lane. Finally, unable to control myself any longer, I said, teasing, "You know there's a long line of cars behind us that want to get by you." He laughed and shrugged, acknowledging what I called his "careful driving" (I later told him I liked it). Unfortunately, we hit another proverbial bump in the road a little while later. We were talking about something and he suddenly came out with something along the lines of claiming I wasn't "grateful." I got offended and became silent. When he asked what was wrong, I told him I didn't like what he said. He said he was just teasing.
Everything smoothed out despite the torrential downpour of Hurricane Earl. We had a nice drive to the house and when we got there he became distant again and, again, was being not nice. I was clearly upset and he stopped me in the kitchen and gave me a hug. Again, things got better. That night, we went to dinner in Southampton and talked about people in relationships and getting old in those relationships over burgers and salad. Then we came back to the house to watch Dexter. He'd brought it so that we could watch it together, which I thought was sweet. I made popcorn and he said it was the best popcorn he'd ever had.
Diagnosis: For him: I'm sort of baffled that he couldn't just rent the car. He was with someone for four and a half years and he never figured out how to rent a car? Maybe she did everything. It's possible. Plus, his jab about me being "ungrateful" isn't just teasing. I know the difference between a tease and a jab, and this isn't a tease. I'm starting to see that he has a mean streak that he disguises--or tries to disguise--as a sense of humor.
For me: My insecurities flare up and go away, flare up and go away. I am not happy with his inability to adapt. The whole grumpy old man thing is losing it's charm.
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