See Could it Be?, It's Not Him, It's Me, The Recovery, We're Just Not That Into Each Other, The Continuation, The Curse is Broken, Unfortunately, The Make-Up Date, The Phone Call, The Negotiation and Dates 9 Through 12 for the background on this one.
Date #13: He'd been suffering from a migraine the day before--about his third migraine of the summer--so he came downtown and we sat on my couch for a while. He was wearing his "default shirt," the shirt he wears when he doesn't know what else to wear. Luckily, his default shirt is my favorite shirt, which I told him him. We went for lunch at Cafe Mogador and he was in a good mood, apparently having shaken his post-migraine misery (I like to think it was because he was with me).
It was a gorgeous, sunny day, so we walked around Thompkins Square Park in search of ice cream. He has an affection for my affection for sweets and likes to nurture it. We found a tiny homemade ice cream store somewhere northeast of the park and then walked to The Strand and perused books, each of us getting a pile. When he saw my stack, he said, "That's what I do." He told me about a symposium he was helping to put on and said it could be a good thing for his career. I said that was most excellent. He came back to my place and we watched Planet Earth. He told me, "I love your smile. I was going to say that it's pretty, but that's not doing it justice, it's downright beautiful." And then, even though it was a Saturday night, he went home, saying his head still hurt.
Date # 14: Two days later, we met up for the Basquiat movie at Film Forum and he was still heavily in migraine land. We went to Rocco's for dessert. I was taking his bad mood personally. I knew I shouldn't but couldn't help it. He could tell and told me he was having a terrible summer health-wise but that I was the best thing that happened to him. That he always felt better when he saw me. That made me feel better. Feeling badly about my taking it personally, I texted him the next day to thank him for the evening.
Date #15: Three days later, we met up at Antique Garage so he could meet Heidi, Nora and Kevin. I was still going through the sometimes-attracted-to-him/sometimes-not-attracted-to-him thing and when I walked in, I wasn't attracted to him. I knew that must have meant I was just subconsciously terrified.
I had let an acquaintance crash last-minute at my place the night before and told him about it. He said he would never do that. We had taken on a jokey spirit of discussion and I said to him that I had noticed that he doesn't like to help people, in general--he exhibits a general lack of enthusiasm--no, annoyance--at even the prospect of a household task of mine. I suggested to him that maybe he didn't like to help people because he doesn't accept help from people. And maybe he just needed to accept help from people more often. Naturally, he thought I was telling him he wasn't nice, which, if judged on the times in the last few years that he's tripped people, he's not. But that's not what I was saying.
We continued teasing each other and then he brought up the "What are you passionate about?" question that I hate--from Date # 7--and he turned to my friends and said, "Let me ask you something..." He asked Heidi and Nora what they thought of that question, putting his hand in front of my face as if to keep me from somehow signaling to them the answer I wanted. Heidi said it sounded like insecurity and Nora said she thought that question was pretentious. All three of us agreed that if you're passionate, it shows and it's not something that can be proved verbally. "Do you know what he said he's passionate about?" I asked them. I turned to him and he motioned to me to go ahead. "The arts," I said, and everyone groaned, laughing. He backed down after that and said, OK, he was wrong, it's not a good question.
The whole time, he had his arm around me or the back of the chair. I am his, it said. It was so unfamiliar, but I loved it. At one point, they were telling him about their dating exploits (Shelagh with the short guy and Nora with the guy who texted her right after their date and then disappeared)...and when they asked his advice, he said, "I never kiss on the first date--except with Tara."
Even from the start of the night, I was having an out-of-body experience. It had been so long since my friends met anyone I was dating--and then here was this guy, perfectly happy to meet my friends--that I was silently freaking out. I was there but I only felt partially there, watching the whole thing from above. The three of them laughing and teasing each other--was this really my life? Could I be this lucky? Afterward, I wanted to take Heidi aside and tell her I was freaking out but there was no time. Instead, walking down the street with #108, a huge chasm opened up between us. "Are you OK?" he asked. "Yes...actually that's a lie." He asked what was wrong and I said I'd tell him later. I knew not to act on it because I knew it would pass but there it was. I said maybe we should go for frozen yogurt and sit in the park. I knew he knew something was up and I think I freaked him out a bit. We got the frozen yogurt and sat in the park. I hugged him and admitted I freaked out a bit. He didn't get it. On the way back, I tried to explain that it was because my two worlds were colliding. We stopped on the corner and he kissed me--a long, jealousy-inducing kiss that inspired someone on the street to say, "Get a room."
Red Flags: When the bill came at the Antique Garage, he said, "So, what do I owe?" I was thoroughly unimpressed. I hate splitting things when I'm dating someone. After all, we split everything. Didn't he want to at least impress my friends by paying for me, too? If there was a time to do it, it was now. Instead, i just paid for both of us.
Diagnosis: For him: I'd like to believe that his "horrible migraine summer" has something to do with the intense feelings he's having for me. Like maybe he is so deeply--but subconsciously--terrified of the potential greatness of our relationship that it has affected his health. Even he has said he's never had this many migraines before. It's either that or an avoidance mechanism. Or maybe he's just getting a strangely lot amount of headaches.
For me: I'm clearly terrified, too, on some level.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment