Mr. Unavailable #111: The Negotiation

See Could it Be?, It's Not Him, It's Me, The Recovery, We're Just Not That Into Each Other, The Continuation, The Curse is Broken, Unfortunately, The Make-Up Date and The Phone Call for the background on this one.

The Date (#8): I made a concerted effort to avoid communicating with him by phone (see The Phone Call), so, over email, he contacted me--apparently unphased by our stilted phone conversation--and asked what I wanted to do. I suggested dinner or the outdoor movie in Dumbo--Monsters v. Aliens 3D. He nixed the movie saying he thought they'd run out of 3D glasses by the time we got there and picked the dinner option, saying we could go wherever I wanted to go. I told him I wanted to go to a restaurant in my neighborhood that I'd always walked by, never tried, but had my name in it.

Later in the day, I was having a bad day at work, so, taking a chance, I sent him an email saying, "I need a hug." (My rationale: If he says he wants to sleep with me, he should be able to respond to a hug request.) He replied sweetly, saying I read his mind and asking what was wrong.

That night, I put on a little flowy dress and met him in front of the restaurant. Hug, indeed. Again, we had a great time, talking about, well, all kinds of stuff. The place was called Tara Thai, which he teased me about. When we laughed about my whole motivation for picking the restaurant, he said it was a very attractive quality that I could laugh at myself. After, we walked a little ways down the street and he asked what I wanted to do. "Anything you want," he said. Undecided, we made out on the corner for a while. It was better than I'd remembered. In fact, I think it was getting better. Lips must learn (did I actually just say that?).

I decided we should go for self-serve frozen yogurt at 16 Handles. We got gigantic cups of frozen yogurt topped with all kinds of crap and then sat on a bench on front of St. Mark's Church, talking about our old music loves and making out in public. I told him I was glad he liked to make out in public and admitted I partially liked it because it was revenge for all the PDA I had to endure. "I don't care what the motivation is if I get the benefits," he said.

(Brief background: In a previous conversation, it came out that he was no good at fixing things, so, earlier in the date, I said I had something he could probably fix--a detached speaker.)

Sitting on the bench, he said, "What's this about a broken speaker? Want me to fix it?"

We went back to my place and it turned out I just had it plugged in wrong...

...The next morning (yes, you read that right--for someone who has a dating blog, I'm awfully bashful about my sex life) we went for a quick breakfast before I had to go off to work. He rode the subway with me for a couple of stops. It was the best commute ever.

Signs of Hope: It came out later that his whole motivation for nixing the 3D movie was because he wanted to go home with me. He just had to figure out a way (i.e., a restaurant in my neighborhood and the broken speaker). The actual sleepover part was sweet. All I'll say is that he successfully negotiated his way through a few bases. As we were beginning negotiations, I also asked him why he didn't want to be friends on Facebook. Naturally, he teased me about being passive (translation: "You can do it"). Then he friended me on Facebook as soon as he got home the next day.

As for my own hang-ups, early on in his overnight stay, for some reason, I assumed he would just want to go home at some point (see: all Mr. Unavailable entries on this blog). After I gave him an out, he said, "If it would make you more comfortable if I left, I'll go." At that moment--shock of all shocks--I realized he actually wanted to stay, so I said, "It would make me more comfortable if you stayed." And then, again, the next morning I thought he would want to leave pronto and instead he asked me if I had time for breakfast. Then, on the subway, we reserved Saturday night for each other and he even said he would go to a BBQ a friend of mine was having if I wanted to go (willing to meet the friends!).

Diagnosis: Him: He may enjoy giving me a hard time about things, but, really, he's a gentleman. He's also a mighty fast learner. And a good negotiator. Me: I'm so used to Mr. Unavailables that I keep expecting him to go that route, but then he doesn't. I'm also a bad negotiator--but only when I want to be.

Stay tuned for Date #9...