See Could it Be?, It's Not Him, It's Me, The Recovery, We're Just Not That Into Each Other, The Continuation, The Curse is Broken, Unfortunately, The Make-Up Date, The Phone Call, The Negotiation, Dates 9 Through 12, Dates 13 Through 15, The Public Sex Talk, Bridging the Chasm, The Shut Down, All Kinds of Good, Meeting the Friends, Part 2, Hamptons Getaway, Day 1, Day 2, Day 3 and Day 4 for the background on this one.
My Birthday: I was feeling better after having called him that morning and #111 emailed me later in the day to say he'd come by my place around 7 and then we could walk over to Boca Chica, where I was getting together with friends for my birthday. He came by promptly at 7. His energy was low-ish. Again, he said it was because he was still not feeling well. When I went to kiss him, he claimed to be mucous-y. I said I didn't care but there was no evidence of it anyway--nor was there for the rest of the night.
We walked over to the dinner and met my friends. We sat down together and I confided, "It's a little uncomfortable being the center of attention like this." And he said, "Well, maybe you shouldn't have invited so many people." There it was again--his mean streak thinly disguised as a sense of humor. I ignored his comment and talked to my friends, mingled. Otherwise, we seemed to be fine. He had his hand on my leg for a lot of the evening and was holding up the camera to take self-portraits of us. He told people he was leaving the next day for his trip to Seattle. People asked why he was going. Just to go, to get away, he said. He made reference at one point to our trip to the Hamptons and said, "I've put in my time." At one point, the waiter brought out cupcakes and everyone sang "Happy Birthday." A few minutes later another table at the restaurant sang "Happy Birthday." Feeling like they were trying to outdo us, it turned into a "Happy Birthday" showdown when my friend Michael encouraged everyone to sing it again--louder. I laughed until I cried.
When I went to blow out the candles, I made a wish. Normally, I would wish for a boyfriend or, if I had a boyfriend (which was rare on my birthday), that it would work out between us and marriage might be in the picture, but I was feeling uncertain. So I just wished that whatever was supposed to happen, would happen. If we were meant to e together, then things would work out.
Later, I found out that he had actually contacted Nora about a cake for me, asking if anyone had gotten one. She volunteered to go get cupcakes and did. It bothered me a little that he didn't take more initiative to get the cake himself but maybe that's a minor thing. After, he helped me carry things home. He was headed home for his flight the next day and took my address to send me a postcard. he said he'd talk to me from Seattle.
Red Flags: His "not feeling well" was becoming less convincing. I saw no signs of any kind of congestion or anything. I was beginning to wonder if he made the whole thing up even before Labor Day weekend. Maybe we went away together too soon in the relationship and the actual prospect of our three-day physical closeness was anxiety-inducing for him. And then our communication while he was in Seattle felt limited. He was there for almost a week and we texted very little and talked even less. On the last night, we talked on the phone and it was good, but my close friend Chloe was in Seattle and I had put them in contact with each other but he never bothered to call her.
Diagnosis: For him: I have no idea. He may be developing a permanent distance from me. If he is, he's obviously not capable of talking about it.
For me: I'm somewhat in panic mode. Even though rationally I know that I'm not 100% about the relationship--I want things to work out but if he can't work with me, then it's not going to work--I'm terrified that he's suddenly going to leave, which is usually how the guys I date behave. One day everything's fine, the next it's over...because they're Mr. Unavailables.
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