Mr. Unavailable #111: One-Man Show

See Could it Be?, It's Not Him, It's Me, The Recovery, We're Just Not That Into Each Other, The Continuation, The Curse is Broken, Unfortunately, The Make-Up Date, The Phone Call, The Negotiation, Dates 9 Through 12, Dates 13 Through 15, The Public Sex Talk, Bridging the Chasm, The Shut Down, All Kinds of Good, Meeting the Friends, Part 2, Hamptons Getaway, Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Happy Birthday to Me, The Drunken Text, Jeckyl and Hyde and The Layoff for the background on this one.

Date #25(ish): I'd earlier bought tickets to see a friend of mine in his latest one-man show. It was an old friend from Chicago and his shows were always hilarious. #111 emailed me to say he'd come down at 7 and we could "grab some grub" before the show. When he came in and went to kiss me, I instinctively withdrew. It was a gigantic flinch--the most massive of all my flinches. My head retreated an entire foot. He said, "OK" and came into my apartment. I felt horrible. it was entirely unintentional, but deep down I guess it just meant I knew something was very wrong. He brought no flowers, no words of encouragement, no nothing. Instead, he was the one who was morose. I was wondering who, exactly, had just lost their job.

We went to dinner and I tried to keep eye contact with him but he couldn't do it, he'd look away. I tried to hold his hand across the table, nothing. Even going to the show, I waited to see if he'd hold my hand and he never did. I had to instead. Once we got there and I ran into people I knew, I began to play the cheerful role once again. He was pretty much dead weight. I'd introduce him to people but he wouldn't engage. Even when he put his hand on my leg in the show--as he always did when we saw something--the feeling behind it was gone. It felt perfunctory and cold.

Afterward, he came back to my place to get his stuff. He wasn't staying. I asked him if he'd stay and said, "I promise not to bother you." Did I really just say that? I'd reached a point of being pathetic that I hadn't seen in years--if ever. But I was feeling desperate.

Diagnosis: I can't exactly figure out what's happening or which came first. Has he shut down or does he truly not know how to comfort people, to be there for them? Or both? It reminds me of something he said to me when I expressed my joy at something small, like getting ice cream or eating cake: "I'm so glad such small things make you happy," he said, "because I have so little to offer you." And he said that when we were happy, when things were wonderful. Was it really a warning? Did he see that I deserved more than he was willing or able to give? Did all of his previous girlfriends expect so little of him that this was new to him? When they had a bad day, was he there for them? Or did they expect so little of him that they managed to take care of themselves? Or did he always date people who didn't let themselves have bad days? I'm truly baffled.