Mr. Unavailable #100: Down the Rabbit Hole

See The Downtown Hipster, The Way to a Girl's Heart, Momma's Boy, Update and Revisited for the background on this one.

This is where it either all starts to go horribly wrong (but looks like it's going terrifically right) and I get sucked in or this is where I discover I've totally misjudged this guy. Only time will tell. And, to be perfectly honest, I'm already sucked in.

The Fourth Date: We'd agreed to go for dessert at The Algonquin Hotel. He texted me earlier in the day to make sure we were still on for the evening and then surprised me by calling me and saying he'd pick me up in a cab--and acting quite nonchalant about it. When I first got in the cab, my first thought was to realize that this(?) was the guy I was all worked up about for a week? Seeing him made me think, "He's just a guy." Not in a bad way, just in a realistic way. My second thought was to realize that there was a bit of awkwardness in the cab--more on the "who are you and what are we doing" distance side of the spectrum than the "I'm so excited to see you" excited side of the spectrum. All that changed as we got a little cozier in the backseat.

At The Algonquin, we talked for two hours over a bit of chocolate cake as if we were old friends with terrible memories. I paid, since I'd invited him out, after all. And then he invited me back to his place to "watch the Olympics." After we spent some time not really watching the Olympics, I asked if he'd walk me home and he balked, but agreed to walk me downstairs and get me a cab. When we got downstairs I realized I was about three blocks from my apartment, so I said I'd just walk. "It's fine," I said. He said, "OK, let's go," and even though he was just in a sweater and it was snowing a little, he walked me home.

Diagnosis: For him: With mild prodding, he's definitely got potential.
For me: I don't think I've ever felt more comfortable on a date--with someone I was actually interested in. I've also developed a newfound fondness for the winter Olympics.

One of four things may happen (rated on a scale of 1 to 5 with 1 being unlikely and 5 being likely):

1. I'll never hear from him again (2)
2. He'll text me in a couple of days (4)
3. He'll call me (2)
4. I'll break down again and text him in a week (3, no, 2, although 1 would be more respectable)

Stay tuned...

Next in the #100 series: The Sound of Silence

George Clooney: Poster Boy for Mr. Unavailables Everywhere

And now, a brief Valentine's Day intermission from our listing of Mr. Unavailables... (Skip to #31 if you'd rather not intermiss)...

A few weeks ago, under mild duress (i.e., limited movie options), I went to see the movie Up In the Air, where George Clooney plays a slightly less glamorous (but not really, I mean, he is George Clooney), midwestern version of himself. When I first heard of the movie, I thought, Oh, great, yet another movie where the unavailable guy suddenly becomes available. It's predecessors include Pretty in Pink, Reality Bites, Pretty Woman, Dangerous Liaisons, Twilight and Grease, to name just a few.

These are the kinds of movies that make little--and big--girls everywhere believe that the ultimate reward is to win over the impossible-to-win man. And that we can win him over simply by being our wonderful, charming selves (or by transforming into Spandex-clad greaser chicks).

Up in the Air may have been a little bit smarter about it than the others, but (MINOR SPOILER ALERT FOR THE REST OF THIS PARAGRAPH) George Clooney still showed up unannounced on his favorite fling's doorstep to declare that he finally realized what he was missing all these years because of her. I'd be willing to bet big money that, in real life, George Clooney is not showing up unannounced on anyone's doorstep. Big money.

From what people have told me, available men just don't look like that, if you know what I mean. Movies are supposed to be dramatic, but relationships between mutually available people aren't. So the next time you feel your emotions being manipulated by a guy who comes on strong and then quickly cools off (it will feel as if you're watching a bad Ron Howard movie), run.

So what do available men look like, you ask? I'm still figuring it out myself, but I may have spotted one last night: See Mr. Available #?!)

Mr. Unavailable #94: The Hangover

This is a Mr. Unavailable flashback circa 2008.

Vital Stats: 33ish, 6'1"ish. Occupation: Some kind of business-events planner. We met at a Greenwich Polo match in the summer of 2008. Aesthetic: Post-preppy midtowner. Demeanor: Attentive and sweet when not drunk or hungover.

First Impression: He was hungover and somewhat testy on the car ride to the polo match, but became more playful--complimenting me on the fairness of my skin and the cut of my dress--as his hangover wore off and the bubbly began to flow.

First Date: A few weeks after the polo match, we made plans to meet up at a bar in the Gramercy Park area and then head over to DUMBO for an outdoor movie.

Signs of Hope: After the polo match, I friended him on the A Small World social networking site and replied quickly, asking me out for the fun-sounding date.

Red Flags: His original hangover.

Turning Point: We met at the bar and then three minutes into the date I ordered a seltzer and cranberry and he became noticeably distracted. He seemed to lose the thread of conversation and suddenly asked me, sounding slightly perturbed, what kind of business I had meeting him at a bar and not ordering a drink. I told him I wasn't really much of a drinker.

#94: "Well, when I asked you to meet at a bar, what did you think we were going to do?"

Me: "Um, have a conversation, get to know each other."

A few more moments of distracted conversation passed and he then started quizzing me about what kind of a risk-taker I was: "On a scale of one to ten, how conservative or risk-taking are you?"..."If you were with a bunch of people and they went skinny-dipping, would you go with them?" I answered his questions as best as I could, wondering why I was even playing along. He then determined that he was much more of a risk-taker than I was and that I was actually very conservative.

The final moments of the date:

#94: "Well, do you think you're conservative?"

Me: "No, but it doesn't matter anymore because I'm leaving."

Date duration: Maybe 15 minutes, 20 max. We never made it to the movie.

Diagnosis: For him: He loves drinking more than dating. I found out later that he had asked our polo host if he could bring a case of Heineken to the match.
For me: I'm a little upset that I let the date last as long as it did.