Mr. Unavailable #95.5: The Pseudo-Return

See Mr. Unavailable #95.5 for the background on this one.

Update: I ran into him at a party a week ago during the Great Four-Day Downpour of 2010--on the same day as the 4.5-hour hostage situation and the "cancellation" text from #100 (yes, when it rains, it pours). Inside the party, the music was good. I'm a good dancer. He's a good dancer. We danced. And danced. And danced. After about two hours, I said I was leaving. He didn't ask for my number.

Four days later, I got a message from him over Facebook. After a few back-and-forths, he wrote, "I don't have your number." (Apparently, guys don't actually ask for numbers anymore, they state facts.) I decided not to be difficult, replied, "That's a crime" and gave it to him. He called the next day around noon, asked where I lived, what the nearest subway stop was and said he was on his way over--and, oh yeah, did I want to hang out? I was like, "Um." He asked if I needed time. "I'm a girl," I said, "I always need time."

Previously, I'd been concerned at our conversational abilities. It was clear during the phone call that our flirtational compatibility was solid as he suggested putting me in a catsuit and I agreed, citing the likely high comfort level. But real conversation?

Signs of Hope: During the phone call, he mentioned being 40. Not that age equals maturity but I'd previously thought he was younger than me, so this made me feel better. Also: He did come to pick me up and, even though he had me choose where to go for lunch, he acknowledged it was supposed to be his "job."

Red Flags: See The End of the Date below. Otherwise, when he was on his way to my place, he called and asked if I had a bathroom, but I said I was already outside and my apartment was a mess; later, at lunch, I noticed he never once visited the loo (possibly a #84 move?). So, yes, it occurred to me that he might want something purely physical, but--and this may be the only time in my life that this is the case so I'm going to take a moment to make a note of it--I've just had one of those and am not looking for another.

The Date: We sat in the back garden at Yaffa Cafe on St. Marks Place. Any fears I had over our conversational abilities were effectively dashed. We got along famously and he was not the one-sided conversationalist I feared he was. He also displayed himself to be quite an adult. On the way back, he said, "I always knew we got along." And I said, "I actually wasn't sure if we did, but we do." In the "New York City is Smaller Than You Think" Department, we ran into a girl who has a crush on him on the way to Yaffa and My New Crush on the way back from Yaffa. Oy.

The End of the Date: He walked me home and it did seem like he wanted to kiss me but then it didn't, it did, then didn't. Finally I said, "Is he gonna do it or... isn't he..." And then he says, "I know that if I kiss you, I'll be crossing a line and I don't know if I want to cross the line because I'm not looking for anything right now."

My insult-reflex kicked in and this thought went through my head: "You fucker. You tease me by taking me out and flirting like a madman, and then you tell me you're not looking for anything?" He must have read my mind because he then said, "I know, you must be thinking, 'You fucker.'" Indeed. He mentioned something about how we run in the same circles and it could be complicated and also something about having had his heart broken--but then in the same breath said he was totally over it. Yes, then, um, why mention it . . .

We loitered in front of my building for over an hour doing what any two non-kissing adults who are interested in each other do in public, which was, admittedly, not much but way fun. Every now and then, when it looked like we were approaching the line, I'd say, "Impasse..." and then hum a little ditty I made up on the spot. Eventually, instead of saying, "Impasse," I'd just hum.

Analysis: Ultimately, I appreciate his candor. The last thing I want is a bunch more #100-style ambiguity. I'm still a tad irked that he got my hopes up because, dude, sort it out, but maybe this was one of the ways he thought might help him sort it out.

Predictions: I've no idea what will happen. I could hear from him tomorrow or I could bump into him in a year somewhere and just continue the flirtation.