Mr. Unavailable #111: Dates 9 Through 12

See Could it Be?, It's Not Him, It's Me, The Recovery, We're Just Not That Into Each Other, The Continuation, The Curse is Broken, Unfortunately, The Make-Up Date, The Phone Call and The Negotiation for the background on this one.

Date #9: We made plans to meet up at Film Forum for the Charlie Chaplin festival. I got there first and was reading a poster. He sneaked up on me and squeezed my derriere and said he was late because he was taking a nap and overslept. He was in an amazingly good mood--very smiley and clearly happy to see me. I was giddy during the movie, not because it was great, which it was (I laughed until I cried), but because I was with him. We went to Rocco's for dessert and he told me he took his profile down off of OKCupid.

We went for drinks on Bleecker Street and sat at the bar. I thought it was sexy that he was drinking whiskey. Sitting facing each other at the bar, I had my hands on his arms and told him that I'd never dated anyone like him before, that he was a real man. He was a little speechless at that.

His virility mentally fortified, we went and bought condoms from Walgreens and he said no to a plastic carrier bag (the virility fortification must have made him proud of what he was about to do). The female security guard stopped us and said, "You might want to put that in her hand bag." She must have had my street cred in mind. The next morning we had breakfast at Remedy Diner and claimed "our table" by the window.

Interdate Period:
Three days later I texted him from work: I've had two cupcakes today and it's not even noon yet
Him: You're a very sick woman.
Me: I feel a little sick, too. Work phrase of the week: "There is no there there." (Note: By way of explanation, I work in advertising).
Him: Maybe you just feel queasy from hearing faux-philosophy like "There is no there there."
Me: "Probably a combination of cupcakes and faux-philosophy. How are you today?
Him: I'm fine. Bored. Going to the doctor...I need a cupcake.
Me: If you're near 59th and Madison at any point, I can smuggle one out to you.
Him: I'm actually there right now. Can you come down?
Me: You are not. Smartass.
Him: Um, yeah I am. SE corner. You coming or not I have to get to the doctor.

He was there. It was thrilling to see him in the middle of the day. We hugged and kissed on the corner. I told him about my work annoyance for the day. He said maybe he'd stop by again some time and surprise me and take me to lunch.

Red Flag: Still hasn't stopped by for that surprise date.

Interdate period:
Signs of Hope: The day before our next date, I was at work and he sent me a photo of himself waving hello, framed by kittens. Then, when I expressed my thrill at it, he sent about five more with other frames. I laughed so hard, I shed a few tears at my desk. The day of our next date, he sent me a text saying, "How's your day, gorgeous...Look forward to seeing you."

Red Flags: Maybe it's minor, but, mid-week, we were texting and I was telling him about my bad day, including mentioning a self-inflicted meeting with HR. He responded to the other things in my text, but never said anythig about the meeting with HR.

Date #10: On one of the more humid nights of the century, we went to see Chaplin's City Lights--a continuation of the Chaplin Festival at Film Forum. When I met up with him, he pointed out that, upon first seeing each other, I flinched when he would go to kiss me. I had no idea. "Really?" I said. "Really," he said. "That's weird," I said. He made fun of me, doing an exaggerated imitation of someone trying to dodge someone facially. It was actually kind of hilarious.

After the movie, during which I felt completely crazy about him and utterly self-conscious, we had dessert at Rocco's and he told me he'd told his mom about me. She told him I sounded "very interesting." The next morning we were on our way to breakfast and I asked if on the way back we could stop and get kitty litter and if he could carry it up my stairs for me. He acted annoyed, put out, said he would have left his bag upstairs if he'd known. I said never mind and then asked him, "Do you even like me?" because he seemed to act annoyed so much. "Of course I like you," he said, and then added that he just teased a lot. A few minutes later, we stopped in front of a guy selling books on 1st Ave. and he teased me again: "Are you getting that so you can add it to the books you already aren't reading?" My whole body sagged with overdone teasing and he immediately came over and hugged me and apologized--he'd gone too far and he was sorry.

Interdate Period:
A few days later, he sent me an email with some Phil Specter Wall of Sound songs (including, "And then He Kissed Me") and said to listen with headphones on, that was the only way to get the full effect. He was right, full effect, indeed. I replied: "Sometimes you do things that take my breath away" and sent him a song I liked.

Red Flags: He "acts" annoyed a lot. And he never responded to my "take my breath away" email.

Date #11: We met up at the MOMA to see the Matisse exhibit. Wandering around, at came up behind me and grabbed my ass and kissed me and said, "I hope no one else here is wearing this dress." An older lady overheard and laughed, "I have that dress, it's a good thing I didn't wear it." There we were, so happy we were making friends with strangers. We sat down at a video display to rest and he said, "Oh, honey, I'm a mess." He'd been having head problems again. I put my arms around him and said, "Poor you" to try to comfort him. He leaned in. If I could freeze that moment in time, I would--we were like our own little pod in the middle of the swirling activity of the MOMA. And I really felt like he was letting me be there for me and I was able to be there for him.

Later, we stopped at one point in front of something and I told him he was "so great." He asked me why and I said because he was right about the songs he'd sent me and because of his general awesomeness. We came back downtown and got dinner at Supper and he brought up our conversation from the weekend before, "Do you really think I don't like you? You don't know how I feel about you?" I started to say, "No, no, of course..." and then I realized that he wanted to tell me something, so I said, "Actually, I don't. I have no idea." And he said, "I'm crazy about you." "See," I said, "You say things that take my breath away."

Red Flags: I asked him if he wanted to stay over and he said he wasn't going to. I suppose it was his head again, but it seemed like he would only let me comfort him to a certain point--and no further.

Date #12: I was having a harrowing week at work but he rescheduled the movie date we had planned for Wednesday instead of Tuesday. I managed to get tickets online because he couldn't get them and we made plans to meet at the Zeigfeld for "Inception." He was being strangely quiet afterward but wanted to stay over so we headed downtown and got a drink at Tom & Jerry's on Elizabeth. He seemed to warm up after his whiskey and told me about the oddities of his screenwriter friend and said that this friend would "insist" on meeting me.

Signs of Hope: He knew work was harrowing and sent me a nice text: I know [it's stressful], sweetie - hope the work goes well. Miss you. Talk to you later.

Red Flags: He sometimes gets strangely distant. And even though he said several dates ago that he wants to see me more than once a week, he only really seems to want to see me once or twice a week, max (and when it is once a week, he doesn't seem that upset). I guess I think of "more" as being "more" and then, over time, "even more."

Diagnosis: For him: He may be holding me at arm's length. Maybe now that he "has " me, he doesn't have to work so hard to see me more often. He's definitely crazy about me, though, which I love.
For me: I'm crazy about him but having a hard time telling him I miss him back for some reason. He's prodded me to say it back once. Maybe it's fear of showing how strongly I feel about him. Maybe it also has something to do with the fact that I never seem to miss people--until I can't have them. Or maybe it's that for some reason, I don't equate wanting to see people (and I always want to see him) with missing them.