Mr. Unavailable #98: Rejection=Flattery

See From Russia, With No Love, More of the (Exact) Same, Sanity Takes a Turn, The Calm Before the Storm and Fight Club for the background on this one.


The morning after my fight with #98, I called Zoe and Eva and conferenced everyone in to tell them what happened.

“I told you he wanted to know,” Zoe said.

“Yeah, as he was running his hand up and down my arm, I took a mental note that this was definitely more than a 'friends' thing,” I said.

“Do you like him?” Eva asked.

I thought about how I didn’t slap him or spit in his face. “I guess I do,” I said. “I was going to text him this: ‘Want to make up or make out?’”

They agreed that was good and I hit send.

When he responded half an hour later, the three of us were, of course, still on the phone dreamily theorizing about what could happen:
"Maybe I should change my plans for the day," I said, mentally rearranging the time slots I had for going to the gym and doing errands.
"Maybe he's your next boyfriend," Eva said.
"You could be over to his place for a shag in five minutes," Zoe said. Well, two of us were being dreamy, anyway.

His response? #98: peace

“What does that mean?” Zoe demanded.

“Yeah, he’s avoiding being direct,” Elvira said.

“You should text him and demand to know what that was all about last night. He was coming onto you,” Zoe said.

“Well, or maybe approach it more in a way of curiosity.”

Thirty minutes later, we concocted a strategically curious text.

Me: Are we sending each other mixed messages? I feel like it’s because there’s chemistry between us, but what do you think?

#98: how do I know

Outrage came from all corners of the conference call except mine. I just laughed. That was pretty much what I was expecting.

“He really doesn’t want to own up to it,” Eva said.

“Wow, what’s wrong with these men?” Zoe said.

“Well, that’s my answer,” I said. “He’s not capable. I know that he likes me, so it has nothing to do with me. He’s just not able to own up to what he wants. I feel sorry for him.”

And I did. But that was not the last from #98. Almost a month later, I was on a second date with #134 (he’s up next) when #98 texted me.

#98: I need help

Me: Are you injured?

#98: Yes

Me: Really? How? Is it urgent?

#98: Very

Me: Really? Should you be calling 911? I’ll be home in a couple of hours.

#98: no worryes I just felt lonely and wanted hang out

Something in him had stirred. Maybe he was on the verge of admitting something. He needed help and maybe he was about to ask for it. But he still couldn’t do it. And that wasn’t enough for me.

Signs of Hope: Miraculously, I didn’t take what #98 did as rejection. In fact, I didn’t take it personally at all. If anything, it's flattery.

Red Flags: #98 almost broke the surface twice. Key word: almost.

Turning Point: When he texted, “how do I know.” I thought something like that would crush me. Instead, it freed me.

Diagnosis: For him: Unavailable is as unavailable does.
For me: I've been released from any kind of grip #98 had on me.