Mr. Unavailable #117: More of the (Exact) Same

Vital Stats: 36, 5'10"ish, trim build. Works as a TV sound guy for a living. Aesthetic: Former Long Island preppy with lingering preppy aesthetic in the form of Polo shirts and white tennis sneakers. Demeanor: Happy-go-lucky with a potentially purely flirtatious agenda.

First Impression: I first met #117 on Halloween, where he was DJing the first party #114 and I went to--and was friends with #114. He was dressed as a surgeon and, from what I could tell from behind the surgical mask, he seemed cute and charming, teasing me by asking me what I was and, when I said I was a princess, he said, "I thought you were just overdressed." Now looking back, I probably gave him more credit then for being funnier than he really was.

Signs of Hope: A few weeks after Halloween, I ran into #114 at a gathering of like-minded downtowners and, walking back uptown afterwards, I confessed to him that I was vaguely back in touch with #111 (more on that later). Suddenly, he said, "What about [#117]?"

"Him? I'd date him," I said, thinking that #114 must have already gotten word from #117 that he was interested.

"He's going to be at my birthday thing on Thursday, so do you want me to set something up or do you want to work your magic?" he said. I figured I might as well see how it went so I said I'd work my magic, whatever that ended up being.

A few days later at the birthday, #117 saw me walk into the bar from across the room and I could see him light up. He came over and gave me a kiss and proceeded to ask me first-date-like questions for the rest of the evening ("Where are you from?" etc.). We went for sushi after the bar and he was sure to have me sit next to him. He paid extra attention to me the rest of the night, being touchy, having me try his food, etc.

Red Flags: I had a vague feeling that I was signing up for more of the same--the charming guy that pays attention to you and then suddenly doesn't. And, coincidentally, #111 and #117 had the same name and were both Jewish boys from the greater NYC area. So, if this was to be more of the same, it was looking just a little too exact.

At any rate, the next day, I ran into #114 at another gathering of like-minded downtowners and asked him what #117's story was.

"Why don't you ask him out?" he said.

I was perturbed.

"I want him to ask me out," I said. I had assumed #117 had said something about me and that's why #114 had said something to me in the first place--and told him that.

"No," said #114. "I said something to you, but if you like him, ask him out."

I told him I wasn't going to do that.

It crossed my mind that #114 might have lingering interest in me from the old days and that, even though we were firmly in friend territory, he wasn't going to actively set me up with someone else. Maybe his offering up of #117 was merely a momentary diversionary tactic to keep me from re-entangling with #111--kind of like saying, "Hey, look over there."

The next night, #114 invited me to a dance party at DopeJams and said #117 was going. I figured I'd test the waters again. #114 said to meet him out in Williamsburg at midnight, where we'd hit a birthday party before going dancing. I met #114 on Bedford near the subway station. He was in a terrible mood. I'm not sure what was wrong with him, but he barely acknowledged me when I walked up to him on the corner. Then we collected #117 on the next corner and he, too, was in a terrible mood, saying he had a headache. The moment he said it, I had a flashback to #111 and all of his migraines. The last thing I needed was another Jewish guy named [___] who got headaches all the time. Indeed, this was looking a little too exact.

Turning Point: We went to the party and, hanging up our coats, everything I tried to say to #117 fell flat. I wondered if #114 had said something to him and he wasn't actually interested at all. So I gave up and went over to the living room where people were dancing. It was there that I spied #98 across the room. It had been a year since my brief crush was, well, crushed after I sent him an email and he never responded, so I was pretty much over it. I went up to him and he was clearly happy to see me. We talked/danced in the living room/dance floor and, after a while, #114 came over with #117 in tow and said they were headed to Dope Jams. "Are you gonna come?" he said. I looked at them--grumpy and grumpier--and said, "No, I think I'm just going to stay here for a while and then go home." #114 looked appropriately let down, glanced at #98, shrugged and said, "OK."

As they went to get their coats, #98 started to head to the coat room, too, so I stopped him and said I'd catch the subway with him. "Will you walk me home?" he teased, knowing we lived about 50 feet from each other. "Yes, I'd love to walk you home," I said. In the coat room, I introduced everyone. They greeted each other tentatively and then #114 and #117 walked out the door. I told #98 that I was supposed to go with them, but they were too grumpy. "Yes, you don't want to be with grumpy boys," he said in his cute Russian accent. "You walk me home instead."

As you know, I make little effort to hide my petty side, so I have to admit, it was gratifying to watch the scene from the eyes of #114 and #117 (or to watch it from how I HOPED they were seeing it). I hoped what they were thinking as they watched the scene was this: "Cute, fun girl was going to come dancing with us, but, because we were grumpy and no fun, she hung out with some other guy at the party we brought her to and then went home with him instead."

#114 texted me at about 2 a.m. to say the music was great at DopeJams. I texted him back telling him to stop texting me and go dance then.

Diagnosis: As for #117, a red alert about his unavailability went up very early on. At Halloween, when I felt a slight stir of attraction, I kind of knew. (Because I only seem to stir like that when they're not really available for a relationship.) #117 was every bit what I'm attracted to: the flirty guy who pays attention to me one day and then, inexplicably, goes cold the next. Sure, he might have just had a headache and been having an off night, but I'm done giving these guys the benefit of the doubt.
For me: I was glad #98 was at the party to give me an out. We walked homeward arm in arm, talking about happiness and unconditional love, two things I was having trouble grasping at the moment. But it was like old times, before I'd developed my brief crush, and we were friends again.