Mr. Unavailable #118: He's Broke

See The Five-Year Time Warp, He's Got Wheels and The Delay for the background on this one.

Perhaps now is a good time to note that there are all kinds of reasons for unavailability: he's married, he's a workaholic, he's an alcoholic, he's insecure about the fact that he doesn't make much money, he has low self-esteem, he has low self-esteem disguised as high self-esteem, he's suspicious of people, he's scatterbrained, he's mentally ill, he doesn't like women, he actually likes men, he lives thousands of miles away...and many more.

It all ultimately results in the same thing: emotional unavailability.

Disclaimer: I'm no professional, so I may just be saying all this to make myself feel better.

Date #2: Black Swan in Union Square followed by dinner at Veselka.

Signs of Hope: I must say, he's really good about sticking to plans once they're made. He called the morning of the date to find out what time I wanted to see the movie and then bought the tickets online. It turned out he was also a fanatic about getting to movies early, too, so neither one of us minded that we were the first people in the theater--at 6:50 for a 7:25 movie. He'd brought snacks. Talking before the movie, we put our heads close together-ish and he touched me a bunch on the arm when he was trying to make points. Points made.

We survived the movie--even the sexy parts. He asked if I was hungry. I said yes. And then we stood there for a while trying to figure out where to go. Finally, he came up with Veselka and we walked over, critiquing the movie. Dinner was good, conversation was good. We talked about movies and every now and then he'd say, "Do you want to see that?" Each time, it took me about a beat to figure out he meant "together." Getting it, I'd nod and smile and say, "Yeah."

He walked me home and, in front of my building, there was a kiss, on the lips, just the one, and then maybe a kiss on the cheek, and then an inhale, and then a hug, and then another inhale. The inhaling was interesting. He was smelling me. The implied meaning of the sniffing, or so I thought, was that I smelled good. It felt like a compliment, so I took it as a compliment.

"So, what's next?" he asked, looking pretty enthusiastic. I said I could look up plays in my theater club and he remembered that his friend could get him comp tickets for a show and said he'd look into it. "Maybe Friday?" he asked. "I'm around," I said.

Red Flags: When the bill came, I offered to help out and he said to just leave the tip. Then, as if he was thinking aloud--though looking at me--he said, "Maybe I'll put it on the card....I'm broke...I did deposit a check today, but I doubt it cleared yet...yeah, the card." I said I had money and could pay more, no problem, but he said just the tip was fine.
Also: Although he's good at sticking to plans once they're made, he's not so good at making plans. All that is to say that A. I'm getting too old to stand on street corners on second dates trying to figure out where to go next. And B. Even though he suggested getting together on Friday, it's now Saturday and I've heard nothing from him.

Diagnosis: For him: For the record, it's date #2 and he's told me he's broke. As I've found out from past Mr. Unavailables, they usually reveal who they are very early on. He's told me. Does "broke" mean "broken?" Not always, but, often, yes.
For me: After wrestling for a few days over whether or not to give him a little email encouragement--because he reacted well the last time--I've decided not to. Plus, do I really want to date a broke 42-year-old? I've done it before and it never ends well.

Prediction: I'm starting to think my original diagnosis might have been right on: He's a little clueless about dating. And then of course there's the whole being broke thing. I may hear from him again unless: A. Too many days pass and he's like, "Shit, too many days have passed." B. He was hoping that when he told me he was broke, I would just pay. C. He's just not all that interested. D. He's unavailable.