Sunday, November 6, 2011

Mr. Unavailable #134: The Band Guy

Vital Stats: 40ish. 5’10”ish. Dark floopy hair. Blue eyes. Well put together in a black leather jacket and jeans.

First impression: Self-important nobody band guy.

Two days after the phone call from #133, I was feeling feisty. After being out to dinner with my friend Fred and his girlfriend, we headed to Arlene’s Grocery to see a band. Fred was especially excited because he was also meeting up with an old friend from California who he hadn’t seen in over a year.

We were late to hear the band, but Fred must have quickly found his friend because a minute after we got there he was talking to someone I didn't recognize. The man, clad in a black leather jacket and jeans, had an overly staged look of cool. There was nothing baggy or flimsy or cheap about him. As soon as the band ended, we headed outside, congregating again on the sidewalk.

Fred introduced me to his friend properly.

“Oh, Tara, this is my friend, [Mr. Unavailable #134].”

I got a better look at him. It was worse than I thought. Other than the snazzy clothes, it was his hair. Jet black and shiny, it was longer than short but not exactly long and, parted on the side, swooped along his forehead above his blue-blue eyes and curved back nearish his ear, as if to suggest it had spent some time there. There were no obvious traces of product or spray, but it was all perfectly done. He’d had to have spent some time on it. And that bothered me.

It was cold outside Arlene’s and Fred and #134 started catching up, with #134 using a lot of band-related phraseology, as in, “Yeah, I heard he was on tour” and “He’s on the road.”

I couldn’t help myself. “Which road?” I said, blinking coyly. They laughed.

“Did you say you played here once?” I asked #134.

“I played here dozens of times,” he said, as if the mere thought of it exhausted him.

I internally rolled my eyes. “With any bands I’ve heard of?” I challenged.

“With a lot of different bands,” he said. “I was kind of the guy who’d fill in for whoever.”

“What do you play?” I asked.

“I’m a drummer,” he said.

“Oh, so you’re the guy in the band whose name nobody knows,” I said.

He laughed. “Yup, I’m that guy.”

Fueled by the laughter, I’d become extra plucky. I was also becoming slowly frozen. A down coat I’d ordered had arrived in the mail that day at work. I’d had it in my backpack all along, so I pulled it out and, silently handing the coat I’d been wearing to Fred, began to put on the new one. They stopped mid-conversation and giggled as if I’d pulled a rabbit from my hat.

“Where did that come from? Ya got another one in there? ’Oh, let me pull another outfit out of my bag,’” Fred mocked.

A puffy plastic heart was attached to the zipper of my new coat and it rode up as I zipped up.

“Hmm, what do you think? Am I supposed to leave it on?” I asked no one in particular as I held the heart and looked from #134 to Fred to his girlfriend.

#134 took a step toward me and touched the heart. “I like it. I think you should keep it,” he said as he zipped it up the extra inch or two I’d missed.

Was it me or did me and the band guy just have a moment?

We all headed toward Pianos, a bar down the street from Arlene’s, and #134 and I walked together, discussing things that were not band-related like the great lie of California weather (it’s not that hot) and his friendship with Fred (going on 30 years). When we got to Pianos, there was a huge line outside and me, Fred and his girlfriend decided we weren’t up for it. #134 said he wanted to check it out. We hugged good-bye.

“It was really nice meeting you,” #134 said.

“It was nice to meet you, too,” I said.

The three of us turned go.

“He was really nice, actually” I said to Fred as we crossed Allen Street, feeling a tiny bit wistful.

“Yeah, he’s a great friend. I’ve known him forever. You should watch Saturday Night Live tomorrow night, he’s gonna be on it.”

“Doing what?” I asked, imagining him as an extra in a skit.

“Playing drums,” he said.

I imagined him playing drums with the house band during commercials. “Really?” I asked, trying to picture where he’d fit on the cramped stage.

“Yeah, he’s the drummer in Maroon 5. They’re the musical guest tomorrow night.”

“He is? They are?” I stopped in my tracks as my mind raced backward trying to recount all the cheeky things I’d said. I regained my senses long enough to ask, “Is he single?”

It turned out he’d been with the same girlfriend for years and they even had kids together. “She’s awesome,” Fred said. Of course she was.

Signs of Hope: I thought we had a moment, anyway.

Red Flags: The long-term girlfriend.

Turning Point: There were two: 1. My possibly imagined moment. 2. Finding out about the girlfriend.

Diagnosis: For him: An extremely successful and annoyingly well put-together nice guy with a girlfriend—and kids, i.e., unavailable.
For me: Apparently, I judge first, ask questions later.

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