Mr. Unavailable #83: The Cheapskate

This is a Mr. Unavailable flashback circa summer 2004.

Vital Stats: 6'2," wiry. Nearing 40. Looks-wise, he was attractive, but I wasn't the only one who thought there was something turtle-like about his head. Aesthetic: Grant writer with unsold novel in drawer.

First Impression: It was more of a non-impression. In hindsight (after he got my attention and we went out), I realized I'd seen him around, but, for the most part, he fell into my blind spot.

First Date: Although we ran in the same circles, instead of approaching me in person, he spotted me on the dating site Nerve.com and sent me a message. I thought it was just a friendly hello so after he replied to my reply, I let it drop. Then, like a good social-networking stalker (considering it was 2004, he was way ahead of his time), he found me on Friendster and sent me another message. At that point, I started getting that he was interested. Our first date was a game of tennis by the East River.

Signs of Hope: He made the effort to hunt me down and ask me out. There was some chemistry.

Red Flags: He seemed to like emailing--a lot. He gave me his life story via email within about the first week. His online profile tried way too hard to sound way too cool. Anyone who puts together a profile that surpasses 1,000 words--and then repeats some of the phrases in person to indicate how clever he is--should not be trusted.

For our second date, he asked me to dinner and, when the bill came, he threw down money for what turned out to be a little less than half and then pushed the bill my way and said, "I'm not good at figuring out tips."

Turning Point: One Saturday we were supposed to go to a museum. I didn't hear from him until that morning when he asked if I wanted to get a coffee. Sensing badness, I sat down with him outside the coffee shop on the corner and he proceeded to tell me that he didn't "see this going anywhere." I said, "So that's that?" He nodded. I buddy-slapped him on the knee and said, "Well, it's been fun." Other than a massive ego-bruising that had me down for the count, I was pissed because I turned down a beach invitation that day to go to a museum with him.

That wasn't the end of the story, though. We wound up at the same gathering about a week later and he stared at me the whole time. He called me a few days after that wanting to talk. I said, "Nope."

Diagnosis: We were nearing the point when there would have to be actual intimacy to move forward, so he bailed. And then there was also the whole cheapskate thing.