Mr. Unavailable #121: Superpowers

See Unavailable By Design, He Touched Me, Mrs. Robinson and The Fantasy Reaches Fruition... for the background on this one.

I once joked that one of my superpowers was the ability to turn available men unavailable (my other superpower is farsightedness). It seems that my powers have multiplied because I can now turn unavailable men even more unavailable (although I still can't see them coming from even an eighth of a mile away).

While I did choose #121 for his exquisite unavailability--being 13 years my junior and directionless in life--it appears as if the entirety of our affair may amount to one mere roll in the hay. I had hoped it would continue--it would have been a nice diversion for me and a good learning opportunity for him--but it looks as though he's gone off prematurely.

I left him alone for a week after our dalliance, partly because I didn't want our thing to become too much of a distraction and partly because he had been concerned that I might be crazy ("crazy, you know," he said, "texting and calling all the time."). I'd seen him from across the room at a Thursday night event but we never quite crossed paths. Kevin had recommended playing it cool and aloof, which was what I was doing. But I didn't want it to completely fizzle out and Zoe was due back in a few weeks to occupy my sofa, so I was also on a deadline.

On Friday, at dinner with Nora and Sean, I wanted male advice, so I quickly filled Sean in.

"I've taken a lover."

"Wow, that's not what I was expecting," he said.

"She's branching out," Nora said.

After explaining the scenario, Sean said if I'd wanted to date him, then I shouldn't contact him, but since I only wanted him for sex, it was fine that I text him with something suggestive. So I did.

Since the last time I texted something suggestive was never, at Sean's suggestion, I texted, "You looked really hot last night."

In reply, I heard...nothing.

And more nothing.

A few hours later, Nora said that maybe he was doing something and didn't see it yet. But I knew better. He was 25, which meant he probably couldn't write his name in cursive, but he was sure as hell fluent in texting. At any rate, during our previous text sessions, he'd always replied instantly.

For more than 24 hours I heard nothing. I felt stupid, rejected, needy. But I forgot one very important thing--I'd pursued him, I'd been the aggressor and I'd gotten exactly what I wanted. Anything after that would have been gravy. There's no way he could have been rejecting me because, as Nora said, I'd rejected him already in only wanting him for one thing, which I got.

By the time I woke up Sunday morning, I was fine again. So, naturally, there was a reply from him, sent around 3 a.m. All it said was, "Thanks I didn't even see you there."

Now, I already knew that there was nothing worth getting upset over, so I didn't get upset, but of course he'd seen me there. Maybe he was ashamed of his performance. Maybe he thought I wanted something more. Maybe he has a really, really hard time with intimacy. Maybe he thinks I'm crazy.

On Sunday, he didn't show up to the usual gathering.

I felt bad for the kid. There was no need to avoid me, but he didn't know that.

"I just want to fix it," I told Kevin. I could feel the need to fix it in my gut.

"He just needs space," Kevin said.

"I just want to text him to say that I'm not going to text him not because I'm upset with him but because I'm giving him space and I don't want anything from him...except one thing, which we should do again."

"Remember when he was worried about you being crazy?"

"I just wish he knew that I really don't give a shit."

Nevermind about my superpowers (even the farsighted thing) because sometimes it seems that all we women have the power to do is either say no, do nothing or walk away. Or, apparently, take a lover for just one night.

Diagnosis: For him: Poor kid. He clearly has no idea that I am completely, horizontally available to him.

For me: I'm not ashamed. I'm not embarrassed. I'm actually pretty proud of myself. I have zero qualms about showing up in places #121 might be. As Kevin said, "If he only knew how little you expect from him, he be so psyched."